I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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