How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize