i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
