I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
