i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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