I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
