I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
