from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish my penis had a tongue
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
