He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
