So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
