Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
