Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
