I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
