I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
