My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
