guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
