On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
