Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
