I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
