Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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