drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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