beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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