i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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