I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
