I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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