Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
