I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
