Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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