it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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