Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
