I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I just sharted jello shots
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
