Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
