Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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