I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize