ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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