I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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