it wasn't lemon gatorade
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize