You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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