reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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