The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I lost the right to judge tonight
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
