He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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