Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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