ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
