of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
