I'm jealous of your bromance
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
