Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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