Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
