1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
