I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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