i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
