I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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