just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
