I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
