Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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