That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
