Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
