Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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