In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
