What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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