All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
