when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
