He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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