I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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