how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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