So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
