thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
