I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
