In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
