i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
