anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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