so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
