I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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