Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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