I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize