I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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