sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
