RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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