I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
ttyl tear gas
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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