Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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