Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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