I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
