So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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