There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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