Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
only you would photoshop your dick
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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