i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
