does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
