walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
