first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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