So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
